My Sister Holds Mom’s Power of Attorney and Refuses to Share Bank Records. What Are My Options? A CPA Explains

Keeping financial records private is not, by itself, evidence of wrongdoing. But there are still practical steps if a sibling won’t open the books.

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Picture receiving a message like this:

My sister, Sharon, has had Mom’s power of attorney for two years. Mom is 86 and her memory is slipping. Sharon pays all her bills, but when my brother and I ask to see the bank statements, she says it’s none of our business. We don’t want to accuse our own sister of anything. But we’re worried. What can we do? — Ann

Ann and Sharon are fictional, but the concern behind the question is very real — and sometimes it is justified.

When the Treasury Department’s Financial Crimes Enforcement Network reviewed reports banks and other financial institutions filed about suspected elder financial exploitation, it found about $27 billion in suspicious activity over one year (1). In theft cases, adult children were the most common perpetrators connected to elder theft (1).

If abuse is suspected, there are reporting options. More on that below.

I’ve been a CPA since 1981. Here’s the difficult truth for Ann: Her sister may not be required to share those statements, and she may be doing nothing wrong.

Here’s how to separate the possibilities and what can actually be done.

1. Understand what a power of attorney really requires

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau publishes guides for people acting as agents under a power of attorney. Its Florida guide, first published in 2015, lists four duties: act only in the person’s best interest, manage the money carefully, keep it separate from your own, and maintain good records (2).

On that last point, the guide is clear: “Keep a detailed list of everything that you receive or spend” for the person (2).

So Sharon should have records. Whether she must show them to Ann is a separate issue.

2. Know that a sibling may not have a right to see them

This is the part that often frustrates families. In Florida, the CFPB guide says agents are not required to share records unless a court or the person who signed the power of attorney asks for them (2).

That is Florida’s rule, so check your own state’s laws. But do not assume that being Mom’s child automatically gives you a legal right to review her bank statements.

That is also why secrecy alone does not prove theft. Some agents simply do not want a sibling second-guessing every grocery bill.

3. Go to Mom first, if you can

Under that same Florida rule, the person who signed the power of attorney can request the records (2). If Mom still understands the situation and can express her wishes, start with her.

A calm discussion with Mom, ideally with Sharon present, is better than a family fight. Ask whether she would like her children to receive a simple monthly summary.

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4. Offer to share the load, not just the scrutiny

Managing a parent’s finances takes real effort. If you show up only to inspect, expect resistance. Offer to take on some of the work yourself, such as medical bills or insurance paperwork, and ask for regular updates in return.

If Mom has substantial savings and the family cannot agree on how to handle them, a neutral professional can help. To find one, check out SmartAsset. It offers a free matching service that connects you with up to three fiduciary financial advisors, all legally required to put your interests first.

Using the service takes about 10 minutes. Near the end, you’ll be asked for a phone number: provide it, but you control whether and when you respond.

SmartAsset provides the match, not the advice, and it is designed for people with $100,000 or more in investments. Get matched with a fiduciary advisor free.

5. If you suspect real theft, report it

If bills are going unpaid, money is disappearing, or Mom is suddenly short of cash she should have, do not wait.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says to “Relay your concerns to the local adult protective services, long-term care ombudsman, or the police” (3). You can find local help through the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 (3).

And if someone is in immediate, life-threatening danger, HHS says to call the police or 911 right away (3).

Because many states require either a court order or Mom herself to compel Sharon to share records, an elder law attorney is the next call if the family cannot resolve the matter.

6. Don’t leave your own kids in Ann’s position

The best time to avoid this kind of conflict is when you create your own power of attorney. Ask your lawyer about naming two agents, or about requiring the person you choose to send regular statements to the rest of the family, if your state permits it.

And while you are at it, make sure your estate plan is complete. Estate planning is often delayed or overlooked.

With companies like LegalZoom, you can begin an estate plan by answering questions online in about 15 minutes. Choose a will ($99–$249) or a trust ($399–$549).

Each plan includes an advance healthcare directive, financial power of attorney, and HIPAA authorization. Check it out here.

My honest take

A power of attorney is built on trust. Often, the sibling holding it is doing a difficult job as best they can.

But trust works better with transparency. If you are the one with the power of attorney, share the numbers before anyone asks. It costs nothing and may save your family from a conflict.

And if you are the one on the outside, begin with a conversation, not an accusation. You may still need your sister long after Mom is gone.