How to stop avoiding your finances and get back on track

"It’s easy to fall into a cycle where you feel stressed about your bills and then avoid them to feel better."

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You may have heard of being ghosted in dating: one minute someone is showering you with attention, and the next there is silence.

A similar pattern can show up with money. When finances feel overwhelming or stressful, some people stop looking at their accounts, leaving statements unopened and financial apps untouched for long stretches.

“It’s easy to get caught up in a negative feedback loop where you know you’re under stress about your bills. You walk away to make it feel better,” says Steven Conners, founder and president of Conners Wealth Management in Scottsdale, Arizona.

The danger of ignoring your money is that overspending, debt and other problems can build up without you noticing.

Here’s how to stop avoiding your finances and start moving forward again.

Log in and take a closer look

If you have been putting off reviewing your bank, credit card and other financial accounts, make time to go through them.

Wanda Belle, an accredited financial counselor and founder of Belle Financial Services in the Atlanta area, recommends printing statements when possible so they are easier to review.

“Highlight any expenses that surprise you,” she says. Belle also encourages people not to judge themselves or feel ashamed. The goal is simply to become aware of the numbers.

Choose realistic goals

After reviewing spending over the past month or two, Belle suggests setting a new target for the months ahead. For example, you might want to cut restaurant spending by $100 or cap online shopping at a set amount.

“Focus on variable expenses because you have more control over them,” she says.

These costs change from month to month, such as groceries, rideshares or dining out, and they are often easier to trim than fixed costs like rent or car payments.

Look at the full financial picture

Beyond day-to-day spending, it helps to review your broader financial picture, including loans, investments and other accounts.

Jason Bernat, president and CEO of American Financial Services, a wealth management company in Boardman, Ohio, says that is what he does with clients who have been ignoring their accounts.

“We go over all the bills, loans and assets, and identify what causes the most stress,” he says. “Then we can work backward to decide where to start.”

That first move may be as simple as opening a retirement account or increasing contributions to one you already have.

It could also mean identifying a balance that has been hanging around too long and deciding to pay it down.

Reduce debt and build savings

Because debt can be a major source of financial stress, Bernat recommends directing any savings from your spending changes toward credit card balances.

“Paying down debt will make everything else more manageable,” he says.

At the same time, it is important to save what you can. An emergency fund can keep you from relying on more debt when unexpected costs arise, such as car repairs or medical bills.

Both goals take time, Bernat says.

“Don’t try to fix everything in a weekend. Pick one financial issue that’s creating the most stress at a time.”

Help your body calm down

If financial tasks trigger stress that makes you want to avoid them, Conners suggests linking money work with a physical or calming activity.

“I’ve learned that it’s easier to manage your emotions when you have a coping mechanism like working out, going to the gym or going for a long walk. You get the tension and anxiety out of your system,” he says.

Once you feel calmer, difficult tasks often feel more manageable, Conners says. If exercise is not your preference, a soothing habit such as listening to music, watching movies or knitting may help.

Try playing a jazz playlist while paying bills, checking your banking app during a walk or making a budget with your favorite drink nearby.

Keep tabs on your progress

As your fear of handling money hopefully fades, stay more engaged with your cash flow.

Track spending and check in during the month to stay aligned with your new goals, Belle says. After a month, review your statement again.

If you reached your target, choose another category to focus on next month. If not, make another adjustment and try again.

“Either way, you’re more aware of where your money is going and more intentional about future purchases,” she says.

In short, you are managing your finances instead of ignoring them.