How Can You Support a Spouse Who Is Deep in Debt? An Expert Explains

(CNN) — If your partner is struggling financially and you want to help solve the problem, it helps to step back and look at the situation as a whole before taking action.

In this week’s Ask the Expert for CNN’s Savings Challenge, certified financial planner Douglas Boneparth, founder of Bone Fide Wealth, responds to a reader seeking guidance on how to handle his wife’s significant debts.

The reader wrote: “Hi Doug, my wife has $20k in credit card debt and $100k+ in student loans. She’s not the best at managing her money and I want to help her with a plan to manage her debt. How can I help?”

DOUG: First, I want to say that your desire to help says a lot about you. But I’d like to reframe the issue slightly, because I think that matters.

You said she’s “not the best at managing her money.” Before doing anything else, I’d encourage you to get curious about why she ended up with so much debt. Does she feel anxious about money? Was she never taught how to manage it? Or did credit card balances grow because her income wasn’t enough to cover basic living expenses?

The reason matters, because it changes how you should help. For example, if the debt built up while covering essential costs over time, no payoff strategy will work until the income problem is addressed too.

If that is not the case, here’s how I would approach the debt itself. The credit card balance is the most urgent. Those rates are likely in the 20% to 29% range, which makes them especially costly. That debt should be attacked first, and aggressively. For the student loans, you need to understand the interest rates before deciding how hard to prioritize them. Federal loans may offer income-driven repayment options or even forgiveness opportunities depending on her profession, so don’t rush to pay them down without knowing exactly what you’re dealing with.

As a practical starting point, consider the avalanche method. With this strategy, you make minimum payments on everything and direct any extra money toward the debt with the highest interest rate so it gets eliminated first. It is the most efficient mathematically. Some people, though, prefer the snowball method, which targets the smallest balance first because the psychological momentum helps them stay on track. Both approaches can work. I prefer avalanche, but she should choose the method she is most likely to stick with.

Tip of the week: Pay yourself first

Set up savings so it happens automatically and you do not have to rely on willpower. Even small amounts can build up over time.

Decide how much of your paycheck you want sent to a high-yield savings account, which typically offers the best rates at online banks. Then ask your employer to direct deposit that amount from every paycheck into your savings account.

This follows the same pay-yourself-first idea as having your employer automatically move a portion of your paycheck into your workplace retirement plan.